So, you're thinking of picking up the world's oldest profession, trucking? Head Office have asked me to give you an insight into the world of rig hauling, aka hard trucking.
I got started in this business because I needed to get out of town to let my shame cool off and trucking provided the perfect mix of overnight travel and sitting down.
An average day will see me hitting the road in the early hours with radio 4 on and enough liquor in my bloodstream to weapon-ise my truck.
I've just hauled a pick-up full of electronic parts from their point of origin in Osaka, right through the mountains and highways to some nerds in Scotland. They were using the pieces to assemble what looked like little radio controlled helicopters. "What's your name" and "please sign there, Sir", I say before climbing back into the cabin and heading towards the horizon.
The long trip home gave me a chance to visit our head office and pay my respects to the King of the Truckers. The office is made up of tons and tons of rusted old rigs, strapped together with heavy duty cables. You make your way into the centre and there he is; a dusty old skeleton with a Commodore 64 screen for a head. A printer the table next to him starts screaming ink across a page of headed paper.
It was a letter from Head Office saying 'thank you' and confirmed some additional points towards the company benefits scheme. If I collate enough of them, they can be redeemed for some Homebase vouchers which means I'm one step closer to my dream bathroom.
You get to listen to a heap of podcasts, that's the life of a trucker. It's not for everybody but it suits me just fine. Keep on, hanging on.
Since writing this article, Al The Trucker has sadly passed away. Eviscerated by friendly fire in a drone strike. It's unclear who the target was or if the mission was a success but a representative of the Eddie Stobart organisation sent a wreath in lieu of attendance. .