So right now, I'm reviewing movies for cold, hard currency. This summer, if you know which app to press you can get tickets to see Dawn of the Planet of the Naughty Monkeys. If you've really made it, if your investment portfolio is swollen with wise chess moves then you can probably upgrade to the 'premium seats'; which used to be just called 'seats' but then the economy got rotten and the margin dropped out of the talky business.
This is the sequel to the 2011 movie Rise of the Planet of the Naughty Monkeys. All you need to know is that this time round the monkeys are even naughtier and even sexier. In one scene, a perfectly mo-capped bonobo finds a jewel encrusted thong in an old suitcase. He then uses sign language to tell the other monkeys that whatever they think, he won't ever take it off. And he doesn't - maybe it's a plot-line they'll develop for the next one. Maybe he'll wear a bra.
People have described it as "a triumph of human imagination". I just reckon it's some naughty, sexy monkeys doing what they do best, making us their slaves, getting us all hot and bothered by firing machine guns.
Yeah, I'm going to give it 5 outta 5 stars. Which is either great, or terrible depending on how you're using the scale. Read everything above this paragraph to figure out which one I mean.
These pictures are coming by an iPhone because my scanner is on the fritz. If anyone is good with this kind of stuff hit me up. Not too optimistic as I asked HP and they didn't have a clue; and they built the bleedin' thing.