Here's a blog I pulled together for the Crying Duck Comedy Halloween Showcase which I'm thrilled to pieces to be performing on. There's a link to tickets at the bottom and Simon Munnery is headlining! Here I look at my top 5 scary things...
A Nasty Piece of Work
Austerity Measures
Some readers of this list may not remember a time before the great crash. Everyone had two cars and there were nuts and berries for everyone. Now we all live in a post-apocalyptic, wifi enabled cave having all our pounds taken and that by Tony Blair. Yeah?
A Cow
Because fear is often context dependent. Sure, in a field your regular bovine is going to seem normal and ripe for a tippin'. But, imagine if you were to wake up in your Zone 2 bedsit and find one of them in your bed. Chilling.
Population Overcrowding
Many years ago, there would have been like 1 or 2 guys stood around a campsite having a stress-free time. Nowadays, the field is the Trinity Shopping Centre in Leeds and there are loads of people herding around. Open a drawer and inside is a person. It's an issue that was tackled by Channel 4's Utopia series, which was cancelled by the screws because it got too close to the truth.
Ghosts and That
You got a ghost. You try a load of rat poison and the ghost eats it but it falls right out her bottom. You blowtorch all your table tops and the ghost is still there, throwing your Muller Lights at the telly. Eventually, you have to call a priest and he says some words and makes her go inside a bottle that he throws into the sea. This is the ghost of Emmeline Pankhurst.
Empty Rooms
Nothing sets your hand wringing and brow leaking like a full room ready for a wild night of stand up comedy only to find all the seats empty. It's a terrifying prospect but luckily one that you can prevent from happening by clicking here.